Difficult Choices

I have been extremely proud of the fact that I have always succeeded in giving satisfactory answers to the "whys" and "why nots" thrown at me by my children . Yesterday was an exception .I am yet to give an answer to a nine year old.

The nine-year old in question is none other than my younger son , Phinnaeus.

He is not the kind of person who would sit with books for more than an hour , be it fun reading or studying .His mind is always on an overdrive and hence he needs activity.The only time one would find him patiently concentrating is when he is on one of his creative projects ...drawing , craft, and innovations.

I let him have his way on all days except during examinations.Terminal examinations are a nightmare for me .He loves Science and is alright with English and Mathematics , hence no stress in that front.

Hindi is his bete noire. This time too he refused to study anything other than grammar .

The day of the Hindi exam, we were walking towards the car on our way back from school and I asked him .

"Baby, will you pass in Hindi?

Phin: How much is passing marks ?

Me: 20/50

Phin: Then I am not sure .Paper was very hard.

Me: You should have studied better.

Phin: Momma why do you want me to be expert in everything ? I am good at drawing and Science. Isn't that enough?

I have not found an answer that would satisfy him. I could say "It makes ME HAPPY when you get good marks" or "Your teachers and my friends will compare you with your brother and ask you why you are not scoring like him"

The first answer would be the most selfish thing which I could say because , he would do anything to see me smile , even if it is studying .

Comparison and how to deal with it , is a topic which I would address later .

Our children , most of the times do stuff , just because they do not want us to be disappointed in them .Parents know it very well. We ask them to excel in something , not pausing to think if that is what they really want .And what is our excuse as parents?

"Whatever we do, we do it for you . It is for your own good. You will get a plum job with high salary . We don't need your money anyway ."

This holds true.But isn't there an under current of hypocrisy?

I WILL FEEL PROUD

I WILL FEEL HAPPY

I CAN BOAST BEFORE OTHERS

What if , we let them choose their own path ? They may not always bring success in term of money , but they would be doing something what they are passionate about .

If we do the above and if our children don't succeed, will they turn back and ask" Why did you let me do what I want to do? Why did you not tell me that I am wrong? Why did you not force me to do something which would bring me a secure life ?"

I have no answers. I do not whether to wind the watch or bark at the moon. Trial and Error is the only way left with me .

So I am pushing one of children towards what I think would be good for him and I am waiting in the wings to see, to what extend he would let me do that . I am trying to get him hooked to the picture of his probable future which I am painting for him in fascinating colours .

The other one, I am letting him have his way , and waiting to pull him back on his feet in case he needs me .

In the end , who will LOVE me and who will HATE me for the choices I made or I didn't make for them , only time will tell.