My Pre-School

I dreamt once again that I was back at school.I couldn’t study well for the exam and moreover I got up late and was really running behind. This is one of my recurring dreams which always wakes me up in cold sweat only to heave a sigh of relief when I realize it was only a nightmare.
I wish instead of this scary one, if only I had dreams about the beautiful times I had with my friends.
My very first memory of school is the smell of warm milk which my teacher used to pour out from the flask that we had to carry from home .How I hated that smell and even now I dislike milk. As a pre-schooler I detested school. My bus stop was a tailoring shop, ran by an old man who was a communist. He used to allow me to go through his boxes of pamphlets with the symbol of scythe, hammer and a star and I remember taking bunches of them along with me. My bus driver had a tough time every day since I used to hide behind the boxes and he had to carry a kicking and screaming me and place me inside the bus.
My teachers were all Anglo-Indians and they trained us in the western culture .My best friend was Finny ,a boy who loved to grow his hair really long .Our class teacher Loretta miss once tied his hair with rubber band since he refused to get his hair cut. His granny and mine were friends and I used to tell everyone who would listen, that he was my cousin. I learned my first steps of ball-room dancing at school with Finny as my partner. I left my alma-mater; St Mary’s R.E.M.H.S for an year and later rejoined as a fifth-grader. Same year Finny left school and I have no idea regarding his whereabouts till date.
It is so weird and wonderful how certain memories refuse to go away .I can still see myself as a child in a blue pinafore before the flask of milk and walking up the stairs with Finny holding my hand ,the two memories of my Pre-school that remains still vivid .

Krishna Ray that I knew.

Sometimes even the sweetest of the memories pale as years go by, leaving behind just a faint whiff of whatever feelings that came along with that memories.
So here I am, inscribing them so that when I wish to fish them out some day,I would acquire them strong as ever.
During my first year at Sanjivani, my direct interaction with our Vice-principal, Krishna ray was almost nil. But there was no dearth of gossips .Eventually I became aware of the different groups that existed in our school .I took special care to keep myself distant from these so called groups .
Towards the ending of the session ,one fine day, we were all summoned to our Principal’s office to discuss the most shocking event of that year ,the sudden oust of a senior teacher .Instead of thrashing out behind closed doors ,we had to witness the washing of dirty linen in public. Allegations after allegations were thrown at Krishna .All the while she sat there ,holding together her dignity ,not losing her temper , giving clarification to all the charges.That was the moment when I first made personal judgement about Krishna .She secured a place so high above everyone present there. I never troubled myself in finding out if any of those accusations were true or not.For me she became the synonym of restraint.
When the new session commenced, I was promoted as the primary co-ordinator and she called into her cabin to instruct me about the expectations from the school management side.
There is a lesson that I learned through the hard way.If you wish to tell someone something, do not delay;for, time doesn’t wait till you gather the courage to blurt it out. That day I told her about how I placed her on a pedestal from the day of her trial at the Principal’s office. She was quiet for a moment and then her eyes welled up .That day I realized on more fact, she is not used to getting compliments for her work and what she is .Not from our school anyway.
The past four months, I got the opportunity to work alongside her.My respect for her as a person grew every day.Her ability to not let her emotions rule her words and actions,that cool and relaxed exterior is what that I admire about her.
Our respect and affection was mutual. On an occasion, while I was writing my resignation letter, she literally caught hold of me and dragged me to our Director’s office, sorting out the issue in no time.She told me not to act when negative emotions are strong, to wait and make decisions when you get the clutter out of your mind.
The last few days of hers as a Sanjivanite, must have been the most beautiful ones for her. Everyone let her knew how much they all loved her and how much they all will be missing her. She was shedding tears of distress and joy.
I am positive that wherever she goes she would gain respect and love for the wonderful person that she is and I know that she would remember me.
I would never forget the great lesson that I learned from Krishna Ray.

Lincey and Me...

November...I can’t wait for November.Two reasons.First, my sisters have already planned their leaves and is tempting me with all their plans .This would be the second get together after my youngest sister’s marriage.Secondly,the thrill of driving down to Kerala.
This Rakshabandhan ,I had been thinking about my sisters.I never realised how close we were till we marriage took us physically apart from each other .
Lincey was the naughty one who always gave my parents trouble.We used to have fights on a daily basis where I used to be the loser.( Though I am admitting it for the first time .)Once I succeeded in pinning her on the wall which Linta witnessed and which I used to boast off every time when I couldn’t beat her in an argument.Or I would call her ,her nickname(I am not exposing that here or else she would reveal more darker secrets of mine.You see she is on Fb too.)which she hated eventhough it was the name which my dad used to call her when he wanted to annoy her.
As a child,she was too lazy to brush her teeth and mom wouldn’t give her food .So she would start her morning raga which sounded exactly like a truck going uphill...uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh......She was so adamant in every single thing and I strongly believe my younger son has inherited that gene somhow.Don’t ask me how ,maybe I had been thinking about her during my gestation period.
She is the most intelligent and talented among the three of us .My dad wanted her to pursue Physics but she joined for Literature .Her reason ,Physics department was at the crown of hill on which our college is situated and she didn’t want to climb up every day.(Now she is a gazetted officer.)She writes,paints,excellent fashion designer..there is no end to her talents.
She is an adventurous spirit and would act first and then think.It is her name and address in pen-pal column which brought me where I am now.Though she got bored of her pen friends ,the one whom she chose for me later on became my life partner.Even though she tries to remind me that often, I would brush her off, giving the credit to serendipity.
She was always and still remains my best friend .We still have our secret codes which we haven’t revealed even to our husbands.
Adventures of Lincey would be an interesting read which I would write someday ..obviously after she grants me consent.

Deciding your fortune

All of us have a certain amount of clairvoyance buried deep within us.It may not be forseeing future or anything similar .It is rather the power of our thoughts. Scientifically,thoughts can be called as energy, having a certain amount of mass ,which has the power to attract the very essence of that thought.
Have you wondered why certain bad happenings that you were scared of, exactly happened to you?
I have,many times. I know exactly why it happens.That negative thought which pops up in my conscious mind remains there .How much ever I try to shake it off, I keep thinking about it, empowering that very thought, thereby attracting that very negative thought to come down with force. I have not found out how to kill that thought .It roams free like a wild horse.
I have brought minor mishaps to me,my family and sometimes to people unknown to me, by my negative thoughts which are very powerful.None of them happened because I wanted it to be. At this moment I am facing the music of having attracted something negative ,something I have been fearing for almost a month.Even as I write this, there are strong fears deep down in my heart .I have decided to write them all down Maybe that would stop me from thinking about it.
This is how blessings,curse and prayer works.
If the blessings and curse have a powerful origin ,nothing can stop it from becoming real.
This is also the very essence of mass prayer ,faith healing. The power of positive thoughts.
Hence it is essential to harbour positive thoughts and to avoid negative ones.
If only it was as easy to do as it is to write..

Sweet Revenge

Everything was absolutely in place and customary when she got up early in the morning.She switched off the alarm, carefully removed her husband’s arms entwined around her and headed off to kitchen .
She liked everything normal and habitual that followed a preset pattern. Having to do things differently caused her irritation and she loved her robotic life. Even going out and having fun followed a time table which they did on Saturdays .It was always a movie, random shopping and lunch.Once in a while she would do things unplanned and chaotic.
On such occasions she would be restless tills she falls back on track. Even though she was aware of this she didn’t find anything strange in her behaviour and her husband never complained.

As usual she was in her comfort zone,cooking and the next agenda in her timetable was to keep the kitchen waste outside .She did it promptly and went to the balcony to collect another waste disposal bag .Then and there the trouble erupted.Her husband had not placed his shoes on the shoe rack where it was meant to be.It was on the floor with the soiled socks strewn around .She hated having to touch another person’s soiled socks even if that another person was her husband.Now seeing the balcony in a disarrayed manner ,she felt irritation welling within her like a volcano waiting to erupt.

Now this would remain within her for days ,intensifying every day due to some things or other out of place ,like a wet towel on the bed, unfolded blanket, dirty linen outside the laundry bag…..Then it would erupt and she would let her anger flow, careful that the lava doesn’t cause any harm to anything or anyone nearby.What she would be thinking of, will be leaving her husband and staying alone not having anyone to bother about or anyone to disrupt her picture perfect life.She would pour out her anger in all those conversations that happened in her head, words which would wring his heart, which she would otherwise dare not utter. Then she would feel remorse for even having those thoughts.This would calm her down .She would drown her husband in her love for the next few days till it happened all over again.

Today ,having had to face this soiled socks and strewn shoes early morning itself, she felt miserable.
“How many times have I told him not to leave the shoes and socks around…? I need to put an end to it. “
She first thought of flinging them out of the balcony, then thought of hiding them .
As she kept concoting her devious plans and thought, she felt her not so good alter ego gaining control .She was aware of it but for once she let it overpower her.

Her husband got up at 6 a.m ,came to the kitchen to give and take the good morning hug and sat with the news paper and his coffee .Her plan was to spill little water on the marble floor near the bathroom .She expected him to slip and fall ,thus taking her sweet revenge for spoiling her day. He finished his coffee and headed for his bath .She was in the kitchen listening for the thud sound and her husband calling out for her .Thud sound she heard and then silence.
Minutes passed and she failed to hear the groaning as she expected. Her wicked state of mind gave way to alarm and she flew to their bedroom .There he lay, motionless, blood trickling on the white floor ,behind his head.She kneeled down beside him and shook him calling his name again and again. This wasn’t what she expected.She did not imagine him to hit his head on the sharp corner of the bed, or for him to lay still like the way he was lying now.
“ No ,No..Oh God ,No…” She screamed…

“Stop it …wake up…” It was her husband shaking her .She opened her eyes, realizing what she had gone through, was just a dream.
“ Were you having a nightmare? It’s 5:30 .Aren’t to going to work today.?” he asked.
She heaved a sigh of relief and said,”No,I am taking a day off. Let’s spend a day together.What say ? ..”
“ You are a very wicked woman ,” he said smiling.